Scattered Thoughts . . .

A Cessna flying into the sunset over Lake Champlain surrounded by the Green Mountains of Vermont and the Adirondack Mountains of New York. Look closely... is that Champ's head sticking out of the water in the middle of the lake? I hope to get to make a short climb to the top of Owl's Head at Lake Groton this summer and that got me looking for photos from the last time we did any hiking. Hikes, no matter how short and easy, can be a dangerous thing for me. Systemic Mastocytosis can cause anaphylaxis at any random time but especially when my body temperature rises.  This makes hiking difficult for me. Another issue for me when it comes to hiking is my energy level. My energy level has been so low that any sort of hike is difficult. Trying to hike uphill and then downhill is a lot of work.  All this stress on my body also causes a risk of anaphylaxis too. Needless to say, hikes have been few and far between since my health has started struggling with Systemic Mastocytosis.

As I wrote in my last blog entry, my health has been quite poor the past week or so.  Actually, my health has been pretty lousy for the past few months but the past week has been miserable, poor at best. When my energy levels get as low has they have been the past week, I really find it difficult to even care for myself nevermind accomplish something... anything... either for myself personally or for the home. This is something I struggle with almost daily. The Beresford from Central Park All that being said, my plan of attack for this illness and any chronic illness is to find a way to be productive. Being productive provides a sense of purpose. Just 'surviving' through each day is not living... it is not productive... and it is hard to find purpose when one is just 'surviving' rather than 'living'. This is just as dangerous as the illness itself. We all need purpose... we need to be productive, if only occasionally... we need to 'live' and cel

This past week or so has been incredibly difficult, quite lousy and, at times, downright miserable. Difficulty breathing causing huffing and puffing after simply walking from one room to the next... dizziness... cutaneous mastocytosis rash on my thighs and torso which is itchy, irritated and inflamed and clothes only irritate the problems more... overwhelming fatigue... I cannot possibly accurately express just how debilitating and overwhelming the fatigue actually has been the past few days. This morning, I was sitting in the bathroom thinking about what I could possibly accomplish today. Just the thought of standing up and walking back to my bedroom was overwhelming and seemed like 'mission impossible'. I had to wash my face... I felt all greasy and grimy... however, I knew that if I used any energy to wash my face, I probably would just need to lay down on the bathroom floor rather than my comfortable bed in the bedroom.  I knew I just would not find the energy to walk b