Scattered Thoughts . . .

We were back at the hospital today...  back in Oncology...  and back seeing Sheila's surgical Oncologist.   On the drive up to the hospital, Sheila and I were talking about being unsure of where our emotions are at this point in her treatment.  In the beginning, it was a bit of a roller coaster ride of emotions. Then, for a long while, especially during the months of daily visits, we were definitely a bit numb.  It was like we were on auto-pilot and just going through the motions...  one step at a time.  Then we had another roller coaster ride during her last treatment stage which included an ambulance ride to the ER.  Neither one of us is quite sure about where we are at now.  I think we're just bit weary of hospital visits.   So we headed back up to Burlington today to spend some time in the Breast Care Center at UVM Medical Center... Today's visit, fortunately, was uneventful.  Sheila's imaging looks good so that is good news.  There is no swelling anymore,

A few months ago, I wrote about Sheila and I discussing whether or not to continue Sheila's cancer treatment.  The treatment was making her daily life miserable.  Worse yet, this treatment was to continue for a total of ten years.  Ten years of absolute misery didn't seem like a very wise option to choose for someone who is supposed to be recovering from her second bout of breast cancer with lymph involvement.  After some serious complications, ER visits, and a significant deterioration in her quality of life, we both decided it was time to stop treatment.  As one would expect, Sheila's oncologist wasn't too thrilled with our choice.   The oncologist recommended some further testing to determine risk factors with and without her continued treatment and we felt this would be a good idea.  In the back of our minds, even though Sheila's quality of life absolutely sucked during treatment, we always knew we would second guess this decision to abort her treatment i

For those following this blog, you know that Sheila has been in treatment for her second bout with breast cancer.  Additionally, this time around, the cancer had spread to her lymphatic system too.  She has been through successful surgery to remove the cancer (well...  this was actually her third cancer surgery), aggressive radiation therapy and, at this point, 13 months of ten years of drug therapy targeting her specific form of cancer in order to minimize the chance of recurrence.  More importantly, as many of you already know, Sheila has been having a very difficult time with the first 13 months of this drug therapy...  although I suspect few know just how much this long-term treatment has affected her quality of life.   Sheila's problems with this drug treatment have been so difficult and so severe that she has been to the ER.  Even the ER doctors were visibly concerned and a bit shaken because the initial thoughts were that perhaps her cancer had spread to her brain.  I k

I haven't been writing much about my health or Sheila's health lately as my health recovers from an all-time low over the past two months. I simply haven't had the energy to write much. Actually, we haven't really done much of anything in the past two months because of this significantly poor health. We have, however, been continuing with our medical care and appointments and I'm beginning to feel more like myself in recent days so I figured I should write a little bit about our latest health updates.  A week or two ago, Sheila had a followup appointment with her Radiation Oncologist so we found ourselves up in Burlington at the hospital again. Thankfully, that appointment was uneventful, even pleasant! The large area of Sheila's chest where she had endured radiation treatment has healed nicely over the past 11 months. Needless to say, we left the hospital feeling pretty good about having Radiation Oncology behind us... well... for now, anyway. Sheila t

I just thought I'd write a quick update on Sheila's treatment problems.   After the ER visit a few weeks ago, Sheila's Oncology team decided that the significant symptoms she was experiencing were probably not due to her new treatment drug.  Since they were fairly certain that the treatment wasn't presenting these significant symptoms as side effects of the treatment drug, we came up with a plan to get back on the treatment plan and give it a shot again. Unfortunately, Sheila was back on this particular treatment drug only two days before one of the significant symptoms appeared again... and now it is only a week later and both of the significant symptoms that landed her in the ER are back again. At this point, we're both quite certain that these are actually side effects of her cancer treatment and they are far too severe to be tolerated for a long term treatment plan. Right now, these symptoms are more mild than the first time around but it is still only a m

After Sheila's terribly rough night (and frightening) and middle-of-the-night ambulance ride to the hospital almost two weeks ago, we had a couple of follow-up medical appointments. Those are out of the way now but a few more appointments are scheduled for the next eight weeks or so.  (Plus, a few appointments for myself in those same eight weeks for diagnostics and treatment for my own serious health issues... this is a couple of months neither one of us are looking forward to.)  To refresh everyone's memory... Sheila is in treatment and still under constant medical care after her second fight (in ten years) with breast cancer. She has another nine years of treatment to go this time around and it has been rather rough going thus far. Honestly, if we were to compare her treatment today to treatments two+ decades ago, what she is experiencing is... let's say mediocre... by comparison. That being said, her quality of life has been rather low regardless. Sheila is ol

Sheila's followup appointment with the surgeon was the other day so we were back at The Breast Care Center at the hospital. Sheila still has weekly appointments for her ongoing treatment plus daily therapy to do but the followup appointments at The Breast Care Center are slowing down.  As expected, Sheila is healing well. Her lymphedema looks good which means it is no worse than what is "normal" for patients in similar situations...    scarring is minimal and healing nicely...   and she is beginning to regain some of her energy. This newfound energy is in spurts at this point but it is some very welcomed energy after months of exhaustion and seemingly nothingness in her life.  Life sort of stood still for many months during treatment... and, in hindsight, feels a bit like it was a whirlwind at times. But, this was a period which we both see as nothingness and blackness on our calendar.  The imaging was normal so that is great. There is some fluid where the tumor

Back in August, when Sheila was first diagnosed with this latest cancer, she received a lot of love and attention from all her friends, family and co-workers. Visitors and telephone calls were very common during this period and it was all very much appreciated not only by Sheila but by me as well. Besides, we needed some social interaction and, actually, still do very much. The social interaction is a nice break from the seriousness of cancer and we don't get much social interaction since the cancer has returned. Although Sheila had changed jobs a year ago, her old co-workers all got together to provide a card and some much needed cash to help with any of our expenses. That was definitely appreciated by both of us. Thank you, everyone, for that! Around the same time, Sheila's old boss from her old job called to ask what she could do for us. Wilhelmina has always been very thoughtful and a supervisor anyone would want to have on their side so her question came as no surprise

At this point, Sheila is most of the way through the final homestretch in her radiation treatment and she's quite excited... and fatigued... and burned... but mostly  experiencing subdued excitement punctuated by occasional outbursts of excitement! So, to quickly update, at this point she's experiencing some relatively minor pain in the tissue of her right breast. The burned skin and itching has been  mostly   soothed through the use of various lotions (including prescription). On the positive side, the Radiation Oncologist was happy to see in today's visit that Sheila is not showing any signs of blistering and there are only tiny signs of some peeling. So that is good news. Sheila already went through some peeling when radiation treatment first started. She is now quite red at this point though. Well... some areas are a deep, bright red while other areas are showing what appears to be a deep tan.  Sheila needs to endure only two more radiation treatments... tomorrow

Another lunch in the hospital cafe. Sheila has moved into a new stage of side effects. This new stage of side effects has appeared only about a week before she moves into a new stage of radiation treatment. More on the additional change in treatment another time because I want to write about the current issue... burning, peeling and itching. At this point in radiation treatment, Sheila's skin is showing some burns. She has already been showing signs of a "tan" for weeks and we have known that the tissue beneath the skin has been getting irritated but now she's getting into burn territory.  Sheila has been a little bit swollen since her surgery and the radiation isn't really allowing the swelling to go down. She had already been feeling "tender" in the tissue under the skin and that continues to slowly worsen. Sheila says it isn't bad but it is obvious by her guarded reactions to things that she does feel tender in various areas.  The other

I had mentioned in a previous blog entry that Sheila had a few medical appointments yesterday and that I would write more about these appointments soon. I have a little time today so I suppose that now is the time. Sheila's first appointment yesterday was her usual radiation treatment appointment. Physically, these are pretty easy appointments on the patient... in and out quickly and, really, not at all invasive. What is grueling about it is the everyday drive to and from the hospital as well as the emotional aspect of daily radiation treatment and constantly being reminded that you are fighting cancer... for the second time. Of course, as this daily treatment continues, more side-effects are physically affecting Sheila each day too. The radiation treatment appointment itself, however, is usually a quick in and out appointment. At the moment, Sheila says she feels as though she has a bad sunburn. Her breast is swollen and tender enough that she can no longer lay on it nor can s

Taking a break in the hospital's cafe. Things have pretty much moved into the extremely monotonous stage of treatment. For the most part, we do the same exact thing every single day. We go to the hospital and see the same people each and every day.  Our days are so monotonous that Sheila says she feels as though she is in the movie "Groundhog Day". Each week, we have to squeeze in a visit with the Radiation Oncologist... another day we squeeze in a visit with the nurse... another day is another doctor... and another day is acupuncture for oncology patients. Even with these added visits, things have become quite monotonous. The daily radiation has already started to create a visible burn like a sunburn. The entire right side of her chest... all the way around to under her arm... is getting darker like she spent too much time in the sun. There is some swelling... some relatively minor pain (especially if she attempts to run)... and definitely some irritation from

The rooftop garden at the hospital... the cafe's fresh vegetables are grown here. We began our week feeling positive and energized which was awesome because this is the first time we began a week in this way in months. Sheila had about five days off in a row so she could catch up on sleep and continue to recover from her recent surgery, the beginning of radiation treatment and a terrible cold that developed at a very inopportune time. By the fifth day of rest, naps, and recovery, Sheila was acting more like herself and showing a bit more energy so our week started off with both of us feeling great! The one danger of feeling great during a long and trying period of treatment is that it is very easy to overdo it by doing more than the body can handle over the next few days. We were both careful about keeping each other in check because we are already well versed in managing energy due to my own continuous health issues. That being said, it is now Thursday and we are running