Scattered Thoughts . . .

It is amazing what just a couple of nights of halfway decent sleep can do for one's emotional well-being! After our appointment with the Oncologist and putting that stressful waiting period behind us (awaiting test results which determine specific treatment)... and after arranging for counseling with an outstanding counselor specializing in cancer... and after arranging for insurance coverage for additional treatment to help with the side-effects of ten years of cancer treatment... Sheila managed to get a couple of nights of halfway decent sleep.   She still didn't sleep well and she is still understandably struggling with some anxiety but she managed to calm down enough to catch up on a little bit of sleep. This was enough to see a visible difference in Sheila's demeanor this morning.   That is great news! This evening we'll be making some Kansas City-style country ribs and homemade fries... That should help with both of our attitudes!

Sheila and I just arrived back home from the hospital again.  We spent much of the day at the hospital yesterday with a visit to Sheila's Oncologist and we had to go back first thing this morning for a bone density scan. We're both exhausted but I thought I would add a few updates about Sheila's treatment before taking a nap. For the past couple of weeks, we had been waiting on test results which would classify the risks of Sheila's specific cancer (in both the tumor in the breast and the lymph nodes). This classification would help us (including the medical team) make the decisions about specific treatment plans. Actually, the wait for these test results seemed like a couple of months and this unexpectedly long wait has definitely affected Sheila emotionally.  Although few people see it or realize it, all chronically ill patients go through a series of emotions which is a bit like being strapped to an emotional rollercoaster. Most times, these patients will ca

Our plan for today was to head up to Burlington to continue Sheila's cancer treatment plan. Unfortunately, late yesterday afternoon, Sheila received a call from her nurse at the Breast Care Center informing her that today's appointment with the Oncologist was canceled and rescheduled for late next week... another delay and more frustration. I have little doubt that Sheila is probably more frustrated than I am about the delay in treatment. I'm sure she doesn't like her whole treatment plan being put on hold, hanging over her head for longer than necessary, and weighing her down (and I am well aware that it is at this point in the waiting) .  We are also waiting for news about the latest test results which just happens to be the cause for this delay. Wondering about the results of this test is frustrating and causes some anxiety. Are the results going to show only a 'low risk'?  Or, are we dealing with cancer that rates as a higher risk? ...wait... wonder a

I am always on the lookout for specific model trains in online auctions. (I have a long list of trains on my wish list!) Every month or two I find a few model trains that are on my list of trains that will work for my little fictional model railroad world I have designed and plan to build.  About two weeks ago, I found an auction for a few O scale  diesel locomotives. For those whom are not familiar with model train scales, trains in O scale are  Lionel-sized trains but these particular locomotives run on 2 rails rather than 3 rails. I've been on the lookout for a couple more of these locomotives so I can have a few on hand to use for parts. These trains are no longer in production so parts either need to be custom-made or salvaged from other locomotives. Now, here were four more of these F9 diesel locomotives.  The auction was to end in a week. I saved these locomotives to my eBay Watch List but, at the time, my interest wasn't fully there. I figured I would follow the au

My health often resembles a see-saw... my health swings upward and I experience relatively good days... then swings down and I experience rather miserable days... back up... back down... sometimes it balances in the middle for a relatively short period if I managed my health effectively and luck was on my side but, more often than not, it seems to move up and down like a pendulum moves side to side. Yesterday afternoon the see-saw started moving downward... after a little bit of dinner (I didn't eat much because I was feeling poorly), I had hoped that my health had leveled out in this short period before bedtime though... no such luck... Apparently, this see-saw continued on its downward swing through the night.  I was quite sick and in the bathroom for far too much of the night when I preferred to be and needed to be sleeping. Actually, I was overwhelmingly exhausted and struggling to keep my eyes open even while I was sick as a dog.  I really hate these nights. It takes a

Systemic Mastocytosis requires a delicate balance of rest, diet and medications in order to keep my body as stable as possible. In addition to managing my medications closely, I need to effectively monitor and manage my use of energy.  If my energy gets too low, my health crashes into anaphylaxis, neurological issues and/or miserable intestinal issues. If I cut back on rest, I struggle with the same problems. If I stray from my diet... same thing. If I forget a dose of medications... same thing. After well over a decade of managing my own health, I'm pretty good at listening to what my body is telling me about my health because, if I don't, my health often will cascade out of control before I even get a chance to throw specific extra medications at the problem. Sometimes, however, things can get out of control for no known reason... today was one of those times. I had a fairly productive morning doing a few little things that are all hobby-related. This kind of stuff isn&

As I get older and as my health demands more sedentary hobbies, I've been squeezing in more and more model railroading to fill in for some more physically demanding activities that I've needed to drop from my life.  I've written before about plans for converting a room in the house to a "train room". This room already houses all my trains on shelves but I intend to someday start building a good sized O scale model railroad layout. When I've written about this in the past, I shared some preliminary plans for this layout.  This layout runs around the walls and will be designed around some custom shelving units. I purposely designed this layout so that I'll still have access to a walk-in closet and a workbench/desk. The plan is coming together. Since the weather has not been allowing me to work on the house, I've been doing more and more sketching of ideas as rest on the couch. The plan really is coming along and it seems to be a very realistic plan

About a week ago, little Miss Mackenzie called us on the telephone. She does this fairly often and her calls are usually to just say hello or tell us about something she had just accomplished. A week ago, however, was a little different. She asked Gee if Papa was there... Gee told her "yes"... Kenzie then asked, "How is my dollhouse?" Gee was a little confused and didn't know where this line of questioning was headed but cautiously replied, "Your dollhouse is fine, why?" Kenzie then asked about the wreath and whether it was hanging on the front door of her dollhouse yet. In the end, she told Gee, "Tell Papa I want the wreath on the door the next time I come over!"  It was a bit funny but, truth be told, I don't let anyone tell me or order me to do something. If someone asks me to do something for them, I will do it. If someone thanks me for doing that favor, I will jump at any request in the future but nobody gets to order me

I haven't been completely happy with the photos I have been shooting while Sheila and I are at the hospital so I've been searching for a more appropriate lens to buy.  The lens I had been using for documenting our hospital visits was one I had chosen for our trip to San Antonio almost three years ago. At the time, I needed an inexpensive ultra wide angle lens and that previous lens had served its purpose in San Antonio as well as in other places such as at the lake house and other cities.  That being said, that previous lens really wasn't a great lens though because the only part of the image that would be sharp would be the center of the frame. The blurry edges of the frame for my hospital shots was not working for me at all. While we were at the hospital, I was capturing photos of Sheila composed near the edges of the frame only to find that she was always blurry when she was situated near the edge of the frame. It was driving me crazy! This new lens needed to be

My health has been less than stellar lately so I have not accomplished a thing on the house in weeks. The exceptionally wet weather isn't helping get any renovations accomplished either. For a change, however, my health and the weather are in sync... they are both on the bad end of the spectrum but they are in sync. Needless to say, I'm not getting a thing accomplished on the house.  I'm doing a lot of sleeping and resting so my health can heal but I'm also searching for things to keep my mind occupied. One of the things I often do when faced with this particular dilemma is to sift through recent and old photos.  I came across a few loon photos and thought I would write a bit about them here. This first one isn't too bad.  The early morning sun was up because we had no fog on the lake this particular morning. Although it is quite early in the morning (around 6:20am), this loon has some light on him so I was able to capture a decent photo. It could be crisper and