Health Lousy and Mood Foul
This past week or so has been incredibly difficult, quite lousy and, at times, downright miserable.
Difficulty breathing causing huffing and puffing after simply walking from one room to the next... dizziness... cutaneous mastocytosis rash on my thighs and torso which is itchy, irritated and inflamed and clothes only irritate the problems more... overwhelming fatigue... I cannot possibly accurately express just how debilitating and overwhelming the fatigue actually has been the past few days.
This morning, I was sitting in the bathroom thinking about what I could possibly accomplish today. Just the thought of standing up and walking back to my bedroom was overwhelming and seemed like 'mission impossible'. I had to wash my face... I felt all greasy and grimy... however, I knew that if I used any energy to wash my face, I probably would just need to lay down on the bathroom floor rather than my comfortable bed in the bedroom. I knew I just would not find the energy to walk back to the bedroom if I used up the little bit of energy required to wash my face. I really had no desire whatsoever to sleep on the floor of the bathroom (been there, done that, don't want to do that again) so I opted to abort the little task of washing my face so I could make it back to bed without collapsing.
Can you imagine this? Can you imagine how low one's energy level must be to know you don't have the energy to simply wash your face? My energy level has been so incredibly low that I can't help but wonder about the wisdom of falling asleep... would I awake again or is this the absolute end of my energy? Of course, fighting sleep only compounds the energy problem and even though I understand this, it still happens.
My mood tends to head south when my energy level gets this low. I get frustrated because I can't accomplish anything. I get bored. I get a bit angry about my health. I struggle a bit with grief over the loss of my old life. When we add up all these little things poking and prodding at my demeanor, my mood tends to go south. Hey, it happens.
I'm weak... I'm tired... I am exhausted... and oh... don't do anything so incredibly boneheaded or rude because my mood is so miserable that I am holding back an ocean of emotion, frustration and grief waiting to be unleashed on the first unfortunate poor sap with a chip on their shoulder who crosses my path...
Difficulty breathing causing huffing and puffing after simply walking from one room to the next... dizziness... cutaneous mastocytosis rash on my thighs and torso which is itchy, irritated and inflamed and clothes only irritate the problems more... overwhelming fatigue... I cannot possibly accurately express just how debilitating and overwhelming the fatigue actually has been the past few days.
This morning, I was sitting in the bathroom thinking about what I could possibly accomplish today. Just the thought of standing up and walking back to my bedroom was overwhelming and seemed like 'mission impossible'. I had to wash my face... I felt all greasy and grimy... however, I knew that if I used any energy to wash my face, I probably would just need to lay down on the bathroom floor rather than my comfortable bed in the bedroom. I knew I just would not find the energy to walk back to the bedroom if I used up the little bit of energy required to wash my face. I really had no desire whatsoever to sleep on the floor of the bathroom (been there, done that, don't want to do that again) so I opted to abort the little task of washing my face so I could make it back to bed without collapsing.
Can you imagine this? Can you imagine how low one's energy level must be to know you don't have the energy to simply wash your face? My energy level has been so incredibly low that I can't help but wonder about the wisdom of falling asleep... would I awake again or is this the absolute end of my energy? Of course, fighting sleep only compounds the energy problem and even though I understand this, it still happens.
My mood tends to head south when my energy level gets this low. I get frustrated because I can't accomplish anything. I get bored. I get a bit angry about my health. I struggle a bit with grief over the loss of my old life. When we add up all these little things poking and prodding at my demeanor, my mood tends to go south. Hey, it happens.
I'm weak... I'm tired... I am exhausted... and oh... don't do anything so incredibly boneheaded or rude because my mood is so miserable that I am holding back an ocean of emotion, frustration and grief waiting to be unleashed on the first unfortunate poor sap with a chip on their shoulder who crosses my path...
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