Pain and Mood
As one would expect, my pain level definitely affects my mood. As my pain increases, my mood worsens exponentially.
Over the past few days I have experienced increasing pain every hour of every day. The pain just seems to get worse as the day wears on and does not subside after sleep. I slept for a solid 11 hours last night and awoke feeling worse than I have all week.
So, you may be wondering... Where is my pain? Quite simply, it is everywhere. My bones hurt deep, deep within the core of each bone but particularly my longer bones. My joints hurt. Every part of my body hurts to the touch. My skin hurts.
The odd thing is that this level of pain did not register in my brain until I noticed a serious change in my demeanor and mood. The moment I noticed I was easily angered was the moment I noticed how bad my pain had gotten.
You see... I am in pain all the time even on a good day. My spinal injuries always hurt... every moment of every day. Quite often I get bone and joint pain due to my Systemic Mastocytosis. I also tend to get nerve irritation fairly often from mast cell degranulation due to my Systemic Mastocytosis. Sometimes, such as times like right now, all of these things occur at the same time and lingers for days... sometimes weeks. When I am hit from all sides, like now, is when my mood goes south.
My patience is... well... To be honest, when I am like this, I have zero patience. A few words of advice... don't think you can test my patience during these periods.
Anger... When the pain gets to a sustained high-level of pain, I tend to struggle with anger all the time. I am just itching to release this anger too! So, back to the previous paragraph... do not test my patience because I am just itching to release my pent-up anger. When I do release this anger... even if in just little controlled spurts... it can be almost animalistic in nature.
Frustration... Needless to say, my frustration level is high during these periods as well.
I am like an over-tightened spring just waiting to be sprung... Sheila and I were coming back from a short grocery store visit this morning when we came upon two women walking on the side of the road on a mildly winding road. Oncoming traffic was approaching us as well. I know that if I was one of these two women walking on the side of the road, I would have stopped walking abreast, moved off the lane of approaching traffic and onto the shoulder, behind the person with whom I was walking. Did these ignorant fools do even one of these things? Of course not!
It truly took all of my willpower to not to open my door to hit one of these ignorant clowns as Sheila carefully swerved around them while trying to avoid oncoming traffic... I also wanted to yell at them military drill sergeant style. If I had been driving and trapped on this winding road between oncoming traffic and these two ignorant fools, I probably would have pulled off the road and stopped inches from them, quickly egressed from my car, and unleashed some of this pent-up anger and frustration on them in an animalistic, drill sergeant-style, verbal assault. It is hours later and I am still seething.
By the way, I've also encountered many bicyclists ignorantly, selfishly and dangerously blocking traffic because they insist upon traveling abreast rather than single file just as I have described our two ignorant walkers above. Walking or bicycling, only a complete ignorant fool would impede traffic on a winding, 40-50 mph road. These self-absorbed, ignorant people are a dangerous menace to our roadways just like people who don't know when to put down their cellphones.
It is situations like this which test my patience when I am in all this pain. Fortunately for these two ignorant women, I was not driving this morning. The fact is, I haven't driven all week.
I also should point out that I regularly walk on the roads here... I regularly bike on the roads here... Nobody will ever find me impeding traffic though! I have more sense than to step out in front of a car moving at upwards of 50 mph on a winding road! I stay right on the edge of the road and off the lane of traffic.
Other things that push me over the edge when I am feeling this much pain... callously breaking things in the house which I will then need to fix. My 'to-do' list is already longer than I can possibly accomplish because of my consistently poor health. Whenever just one little thing is broken in the house, this sets me back even further. When something is broken because someone was rough on whatever they broke (which is about 99% of the time), I get angry even on a good day. If I am already in pain and using what little energy I have left to suppress my anger and frustration, you had better watch out. Of course, if something breaks just due to normal wear and tear... no problems.
Anyway, my health is poor right now. The level of pain all throughout my body is beyond measure. It hurts to do anything... it hurts to just sit... it hurts to lay... my joints are inflamed... my bones are inflamed... my organs are inflamed... my spine feels like it is on fire... everything hurts beyond measure, all the time.
This is just another common part of Systemic Mastocytosis... this part, however, seriously affects my mood... as my pain level increases, my mood worsens exponentially.
Over the past few days I have experienced increasing pain every hour of every day. The pain just seems to get worse as the day wears on and does not subside after sleep. I slept for a solid 11 hours last night and awoke feeling worse than I have all week.
So, you may be wondering... Where is my pain? Quite simply, it is everywhere. My bones hurt deep, deep within the core of each bone but particularly my longer bones. My joints hurt. Every part of my body hurts to the touch. My skin hurts.
The odd thing is that this level of pain did not register in my brain until I noticed a serious change in my demeanor and mood. The moment I noticed I was easily angered was the moment I noticed how bad my pain had gotten.
You see... I am in pain all the time even on a good day. My spinal injuries always hurt... every moment of every day. Quite often I get bone and joint pain due to my Systemic Mastocytosis. I also tend to get nerve irritation fairly often from mast cell degranulation due to my Systemic Mastocytosis. Sometimes, such as times like right now, all of these things occur at the same time and lingers for days... sometimes weeks. When I am hit from all sides, like now, is when my mood goes south.
My patience is... well... To be honest, when I am like this, I have zero patience. A few words of advice... don't think you can test my patience during these periods.
Anger... When the pain gets to a sustained high-level of pain, I tend to struggle with anger all the time. I am just itching to release this anger too! So, back to the previous paragraph... do not test my patience because I am just itching to release my pent-up anger. When I do release this anger... even if in just little controlled spurts... it can be almost animalistic in nature.
Frustration... Needless to say, my frustration level is high during these periods as well.
I am like an over-tightened spring just waiting to be sprung... Sheila and I were coming back from a short grocery store visit this morning when we came upon two women walking on the side of the road on a mildly winding road. Oncoming traffic was approaching us as well. I know that if I was one of these two women walking on the side of the road, I would have stopped walking abreast, moved off the lane of approaching traffic and onto the shoulder, behind the person with whom I was walking. Did these ignorant fools do even one of these things? Of course not!
It truly took all of my willpower to not to open my door to hit one of these ignorant clowns as Sheila carefully swerved around them while trying to avoid oncoming traffic... I also wanted to yell at them military drill sergeant style. If I had been driving and trapped on this winding road between oncoming traffic and these two ignorant fools, I probably would have pulled off the road and stopped inches from them, quickly egressed from my car, and unleashed some of this pent-up anger and frustration on them in an animalistic, drill sergeant-style, verbal assault. It is hours later and I am still seething.
By the way, I've also encountered many bicyclists ignorantly, selfishly and dangerously blocking traffic because they insist upon traveling abreast rather than single file just as I have described our two ignorant walkers above. Walking or bicycling, only a complete ignorant fool would impede traffic on a winding, 40-50 mph road. These self-absorbed, ignorant people are a dangerous menace to our roadways just like people who don't know when to put down their cellphones.
It is situations like this which test my patience when I am in all this pain. Fortunately for these two ignorant women, I was not driving this morning. The fact is, I haven't driven all week.
I also should point out that I regularly walk on the roads here... I regularly bike on the roads here... Nobody will ever find me impeding traffic though! I have more sense than to step out in front of a car moving at upwards of 50 mph on a winding road! I stay right on the edge of the road and off the lane of traffic.
Other things that push me over the edge when I am feeling this much pain... callously breaking things in the house which I will then need to fix. My 'to-do' list is already longer than I can possibly accomplish because of my consistently poor health. Whenever just one little thing is broken in the house, this sets me back even further. When something is broken because someone was rough on whatever they broke (which is about 99% of the time), I get angry even on a good day. If I am already in pain and using what little energy I have left to suppress my anger and frustration, you had better watch out. Of course, if something breaks just due to normal wear and tear... no problems.
Anyway, my health is poor right now. The level of pain all throughout my body is beyond measure. It hurts to do anything... it hurts to just sit... it hurts to lay... my joints are inflamed... my bones are inflamed... my organs are inflamed... my spine feels like it is on fire... everything hurts beyond measure, all the time.
This is just another common part of Systemic Mastocytosis... this part, however, seriously affects my mood... as my pain level increases, my mood worsens exponentially.
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