A Miserable Day... or, Few Days...

My health has been pretty lousy for the past few days but, today, it declined to the lowest of lows. 

I awoke exhausted this morning and that is never a good sign of a "good" day.

Of course, as I've mentioned many times before, a "good" day for me with my illnesses and spinal injuries is nothing even close to a healthy person's good day. For me, a "good" day means tolerable health... just minimal to average pain... but having enough energy to accomplish something. The past few days have been less than "good".

So, I awoke exhausted... that should have been a clear sign of the day that was ahead of me. I didn't see this sign, however, and just tried to muddle through my fatigue.

By the time lunchtime arrived, I realized that I wasn't just exhausted... my thoughts were muddled... and my mood was less than socially acceptable. This was the second sign that my health needed attention and, again, I didn't pay much attention to it.

I ate lunch and laid down for some much needed sleep hoping I would feel better after a long nap. A few hours later, I again awoke feeling exhausted. This time, however, I realized that I was not just overwhelmingly fatigued... I was also weak. Now... it clicked... my blood pressure must be dangerously low, teetering on anaphylaxis... 

Just as I realized that I had been a bit boneheaded by missing all these signs of impending anaphylaxis, our resident cat (our neighbor's cat who is always following me around) quickly approached me... meowing loudly... telling me what I had just realized myself... it was time for some extra medications to counter the mast cell degranulation happening in my body which always promises to result in anaphylaxis if left to its own accord.

So, I grabbed my medicine bag... took some extra stuff... and then got started on dinner. You know the saying, "If you can't take the heat, then get out of the kitchen"? Well... I should have left the kitchen because I can never tolerate even warm environments nevermind hot environments. Cooking dinner this evening was a terribly bad idea.  

On the positive side, I haven't lost consciousness yet today... I haven't needed epinephrine just yet... and I am not stuck in the bathroom being nauseatingly and disgustingly sick.

I am nauseated... and I am in terrible pain all throughout my body... my bones hurt terribly... my joints hurt... and just the thought of getting up and walking to the bathroom is a bit overwhelming because I have little to no energy. 

So, that covers most of the physical stuff... this, unfortunately, affects me emotionally as well. There are so many little projects around the house that I truly want to accomplish. There are hobbies I would like to do... so many interests I would like to research and learn about... there are even some household chores I would like to get accomplished. Instead, I must say, "I can't". 

For someone who truly despises that phrase, there is no doubt that my bouts with miserable health can be emotional because I am forced to have to admit that "I can't". I am reminded of my failing health. I am reminded of my disabilities. I am reminded of how far I've fallen. I am again reminded of all I lost. The stages of grief simply cycle as my health constantly wanes and waxes. 

Hopefully... tomorrow will be a better day and I will find something I can accomplish so I can feel productive...