Two Months of More Cancer Worries
As many readers already know, not only do I struggle with a debilitating and incurable illness but Sheila has had breast cancer and continues to deal with all sorts of things related to that. I don't often write about Sheila's journey through cancer on this blog but, today, it is worth mentioning here since she has (we have) had a rough couple of months.
Sheila has been what is referred to as "cancer free" for almost a decade but the lingering symptoms, constant appointments, tests, exams, and anxiously awaiting lab results... on pins and needles... never ends. Our past two months have been like this... yet again.
As I've mentioned in previous blog entries, Sheila has lingering problems related to her cancer and cancer treatment as do virtually all cancer patients but some patients have it worse than others. Since a cancer patient will always be a high risk cancer patient because history has proven that those with cancer once are far more likely to develop new cancer, the annual cycle of oncology-related appointments, tests and waiting for results cycles over and over and over... and over...
In Sheila's particular case, because of her type of breast cancer, the statistics prove she is an exceptionally high risk for a couple of other types of cancer so we continue to test for these annually. This is also why Sheila opted for preemptive surgery seven years ago... in an attempt to minimize the known risk of new/spreading cancer in a place where far too many other patients with Sheila's particular type of breast cancer tend to develop new cancer. When we combine these known risks, case histories, and Sheila's lingering symptoms, staying vigilant in regular testing is important because case study history has proven that cancer will show itself next in certain places and it can get out of hand very quickly if you are not on top of it.
I'm not going to get into specifics in this blog entry about all the lingering symptoms Sheila experiences but I will point out that these symptoms affect her quality of life everyday. These lingering problems place tremendous hurdles in Sheila's daily life but she navigates through them relatively silently although I do clearly see her frustrations, worries and struggles as well as the weariness in her eyes.
Sheila and I share a lot with each other every day since we base our relationship on effective communication, respect and understanding so I do hear about and, because of my own health problems, I understand Sheila's problems everyday. Although we have a good bead on each other's struggles and express concern for each other, for the most part her doctors tend to downplay these hurdles she must navigate daily. Perhaps they see it so often that it is 'old news' and sort of 'normal' to them. They say some of these problems are typical but better than having cancer. Of course, this is correct but lingering problems always remind us that without an absolute cure for cancer, cancer is always chasing us in the rearview mirror... always following and threatening us... and, far too often, thrust into the forefront of our lives.
Most of these problems are indeed known lingering effects of radiation treatment and chemotherapy so when we mention these issues to the doctors, they just kind of nod, shrug their shoulders, and quietly explain about the probable lingering effects of chemo or radiation. Some of Sheila's lingering symptoms are more "cancer-like" so we continue with testing regularly, examinations continue regularly and interviews with doctors researching cancer continue regularly.
We often make a day of these medical appointments. We attempt to fill up the day with pleasant memories in an effort to outweigh the less-than-pleasant memories. We go out and visit a restaurant, do some shopping, and always try to find something pleasant to do together. For the most part, the good of the day typically outweighs the bad of the day.
Back in late August, Sheila had another one of these routine diagnostic tests scheduled with a routine examination... same old, same old.
Her tests are staggered throughout the year so, between her being a patient and me being an ongoing patient, every few months we're at one hospital or another doing more tests in an effort to intercept any cancer before it gets a strong foothold... at this stage, this is all routine for us. We're both very familiar with hospitals, doctors, tests, exams... this has all become quite normal after ten or fifteen years.
This particular test was looking for malignant cells in one of the areas where cancer is known to return in patients with Sheila's type of breast cancer. This is one of the areas which is considered a high risk area for new or returning cancer. As mentioned above, Sheila also continues to struggle with cancer-like symptoms so this annual testing is key to stay ahead of that cancer that always seems to be chasing us in our rearview mirror.
The following afternoon, we were told the results of the testing were "abnormal".
"Well... that isn't the same old, same old."
The procedure for abnormal test results in this case is further testing. So, now about seven weeks have passed... more testing... seven weeks of quite a few discussions... seven weeks of occasional worry... seven weeks of occasional freaking out... seven weeks of waiting for more conclusive test results... hopefully good results. Unfortunately, the more we had to wait for results, the more we wondered about bad results.
Throughout this month and a half while waiting on pins and needles, we did more research. We discussed contingency plans. We discussed when to tell the kids... worry them now (like we were) or wait to see if things are clear? We even discussed Last Wills and other related fun stuff. Generally, it was about two months of frustrating waiting and bundles of nerves taking up residence in the pit of our stomachs while we tried to go on with relatively normal lives.
This does not mean we did nothing else but preoccupy ourselves with this potential problem. We did not. We've been to parties, socializing with friends and family, a cruise with the grandchildren, a train show, the Montshire Museum with the grandchildren, and we've been active in having fun with the grandchildren often. As you can see in my previous blog entries going back almost two months we did do a lot of fun things. It was in between these things when we had some idle time for serious thought when reality always slapped us in the face again... and again... and again.
Finally... late this afternoon... after two months of abnormal test results hanging over our heads indicating cancer may have spread to a known high risk area of Sheila's body... and two months of worrying and trying to plan for any foreseeable contingency... Sheila finally heard that the newest test results are "absolutely normal"... definite "negative" results for cancer.
So, this evening, it is the first time in two months that we are sighing in relief over some much needed good news.
Sheila has been what is referred to as "cancer free" for almost a decade but the lingering symptoms, constant appointments, tests, exams, and anxiously awaiting lab results... on pins and needles... never ends. Our past two months have been like this... yet again.
As I've mentioned in previous blog entries, Sheila has lingering problems related to her cancer and cancer treatment as do virtually all cancer patients but some patients have it worse than others. Since a cancer patient will always be a high risk cancer patient because history has proven that those with cancer once are far more likely to develop new cancer, the annual cycle of oncology-related appointments, tests and waiting for results cycles over and over and over... and over...
In Sheila's particular case, because of her type of breast cancer, the statistics prove she is an exceptionally high risk for a couple of other types of cancer so we continue to test for these annually. This is also why Sheila opted for preemptive surgery seven years ago... in an attempt to minimize the known risk of new/spreading cancer in a place where far too many other patients with Sheila's particular type of breast cancer tend to develop new cancer. When we combine these known risks, case histories, and Sheila's lingering symptoms, staying vigilant in regular testing is important because case study history has proven that cancer will show itself next in certain places and it can get out of hand very quickly if you are not on top of it.
I'm not going to get into specifics in this blog entry about all the lingering symptoms Sheila experiences but I will point out that these symptoms affect her quality of life everyday. These lingering problems place tremendous hurdles in Sheila's daily life but she navigates through them relatively silently although I do clearly see her frustrations, worries and struggles as well as the weariness in her eyes.
Sheila and I share a lot with each other every day since we base our relationship on effective communication, respect and understanding so I do hear about and, because of my own health problems, I understand Sheila's problems everyday. Although we have a good bead on each other's struggles and express concern for each other, for the most part her doctors tend to downplay these hurdles she must navigate daily. Perhaps they see it so often that it is 'old news' and sort of 'normal' to them. They say some of these problems are typical but better than having cancer. Of course, this is correct but lingering problems always remind us that without an absolute cure for cancer, cancer is always chasing us in the rearview mirror... always following and threatening us... and, far too often, thrust into the forefront of our lives.
Most of these problems are indeed known lingering effects of radiation treatment and chemotherapy so when we mention these issues to the doctors, they just kind of nod, shrug their shoulders, and quietly explain about the probable lingering effects of chemo or radiation. Some of Sheila's lingering symptoms are more "cancer-like" so we continue with testing regularly, examinations continue regularly and interviews with doctors researching cancer continue regularly.
We often make a day of these medical appointments. We attempt to fill up the day with pleasant memories in an effort to outweigh the less-than-pleasant memories. We go out and visit a restaurant, do some shopping, and always try to find something pleasant to do together. For the most part, the good of the day typically outweighs the bad of the day.
Back in late August, Sheila had another one of these routine diagnostic tests scheduled with a routine examination... same old, same old.
Her tests are staggered throughout the year so, between her being a patient and me being an ongoing patient, every few months we're at one hospital or another doing more tests in an effort to intercept any cancer before it gets a strong foothold... at this stage, this is all routine for us. We're both very familiar with hospitals, doctors, tests, exams... this has all become quite normal after ten or fifteen years.
This particular test was looking for malignant cells in one of the areas where cancer is known to return in patients with Sheila's type of breast cancer. This is one of the areas which is considered a high risk area for new or returning cancer. As mentioned above, Sheila also continues to struggle with cancer-like symptoms so this annual testing is key to stay ahead of that cancer that always seems to be chasing us in our rearview mirror.
The following afternoon, we were told the results of the testing were "abnormal".
"Well... that isn't the same old, same old."
The procedure for abnormal test results in this case is further testing. So, now about seven weeks have passed... more testing... seven weeks of quite a few discussions... seven weeks of occasional worry... seven weeks of occasional freaking out... seven weeks of waiting for more conclusive test results... hopefully good results. Unfortunately, the more we had to wait for results, the more we wondered about bad results.
Throughout this month and a half while waiting on pins and needles, we did more research. We discussed contingency plans. We discussed when to tell the kids... worry them now (like we were) or wait to see if things are clear? We even discussed Last Wills and other related fun stuff. Generally, it was about two months of frustrating waiting and bundles of nerves taking up residence in the pit of our stomachs while we tried to go on with relatively normal lives.
This does not mean we did nothing else but preoccupy ourselves with this potential problem. We did not. We've been to parties, socializing with friends and family, a cruise with the grandchildren, a train show, the Montshire Museum with the grandchildren, and we've been active in having fun with the grandchildren often. As you can see in my previous blog entries going back almost two months we did do a lot of fun things. It was in between these things when we had some idle time for serious thought when reality always slapped us in the face again... and again... and again.
Finally... late this afternoon... after two months of abnormal test results hanging over our heads indicating cancer may have spread to a known high risk area of Sheila's body... and two months of worrying and trying to plan for any foreseeable contingency... Sheila finally heard that the newest test results are "absolutely normal"... definite "negative" results for cancer.
So, this evening, it is the first time in two months that we are sighing in relief over some much needed good news.
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