Lighthouse Art Project
Whenever I go through periods of poor health, I struggle with finding ways to feel productive, useful and even nonburdensome to those around me. As any chronically ill patient will attest, far too often I'm feeling too lousy to accomplish enough to stave off feelings of inadequacy during these periods and it is incredibly difficult to find ways to feel productive.
Physically, during these periods, you are fighting off pain and a complex and constantly changing myriad of debilitating symptoms. Mentally, you are fighting off being bored to the point of tears because whenever you are feeling lousy, you are sort of in a vacuum getting nothing accomplished. Emotionally, you are fighting feelings of inadequacy, being a burden and being unproductive... you struggle with not having a purpose... you even struggle with the grief of losing the healthy, strong and pain-free body you once had, the active life you once had, the career you once had... let's just say that struggling with grief during these periods is common and understandable. I should also point out that this grief is not depression... depression is a whole other illness which is far too complex to get into here. I am referring to grief.
Sometimes it is fairly easy to find something to do to get beyond these struggles and feelings. Sometimes it is difficult but what I can say with absolute certainty is that there is always some sort of therapeutic activity to help alleviate the boredom, the feelings of inadequacy, and to help feel productive again. The trick is figuring out what it is that is possible to accomplish without overestimating your current capabilities, no matter how small, and then tackle it.
For many patients, a creative activity is the answer. Unfortunately, with Systemic Mastocytosis, a significant portion of each period of poor health involves diminished cognitive function and something we refer to as "brain fog". This definitely puts a crimp in being creative (for me, anyway). Personally, during these periods I also struggle with vision problems, difficulty expressing myself verbally, difficulty making decisions and even difficulty with motor skills (I stopped playing piano three years ago because it had become too frustrating as I was constantly struggling with fine motor skills and cognitive reasoning). Fortunately, as the period of poor health wanes, I become more myself and I can more easily and aptly attempt to be creative and productive in some way.
During the early stages of these periods when things are far worse, I'm either just hanging on to get through the next minute, or sick in the bathroom, or running through my illness' protocols for such episodes and sorting out emergency medications, or I can attempt to read, research or watch a movie if I am finally beyond the "brutal", acute stage.
This means that what I do at any given time is very dependent upon the state of my health. If I feel well mentally, physically and emotionally, I can try to accomplish something more physically demanding... ie, cutting the lawn or some small home improvement project or repair. If I am struggling with any part of these three states, then I need to find some compromise and an activity which fits my abilities at that moment in time. Needless to say, with abilities constantly changing, it is exceptionally difficult to get any projects accomplished fluidly or in a reasonable amount of time!
I've been working on this little lighthouse project for many months now. I add a little more to the piece, here and there from time to time, whenever I have some time and feel up to it. I just did a little bit more this morning... and it is coming along... very slowly.
The funny thing is I'm really not that interested in lighthouses but I think this is the third lighthouse I've drawn and painted. I guess I find them fairly easy comparatively speaking. Many drawings and paintings I create are much more complex with far more details, complex shadows, complex light, deep color transitions, etc. I guess that when I'm feeling like I can just barely be artistic in this way, I go to the lighthouse. It is sort of a 'back to basics' type of thing.
I'd like to add more detail in the foreground and perhaps a seagull or two in the sky... it just seems to be lacking a few things. The other options would be to draw and paint a scene that is very rough with less detail. Once you start adding detail, however, you need to continue with the detail until it is interesting or just scrap the project and start over.
I think I'm still going to attempt to add some additional details. If that doesn't work for my tastes, then I'll scrap it and start over...
Physically, during these periods, you are fighting off pain and a complex and constantly changing myriad of debilitating symptoms. Mentally, you are fighting off being bored to the point of tears because whenever you are feeling lousy, you are sort of in a vacuum getting nothing accomplished. Emotionally, you are fighting feelings of inadequacy, being a burden and being unproductive... you struggle with not having a purpose... you even struggle with the grief of losing the healthy, strong and pain-free body you once had, the active life you once had, the career you once had... let's just say that struggling with grief during these periods is common and understandable. I should also point out that this grief is not depression... depression is a whole other illness which is far too complex to get into here. I am referring to grief.
Sometimes it is fairly easy to find something to do to get beyond these struggles and feelings. Sometimes it is difficult but what I can say with absolute certainty is that there is always some sort of therapeutic activity to help alleviate the boredom, the feelings of inadequacy, and to help feel productive again. The trick is figuring out what it is that is possible to accomplish without overestimating your current capabilities, no matter how small, and then tackle it.
For many patients, a creative activity is the answer. Unfortunately, with Systemic Mastocytosis, a significant portion of each period of poor health involves diminished cognitive function and something we refer to as "brain fog". This definitely puts a crimp in being creative (for me, anyway). Personally, during these periods I also struggle with vision problems, difficulty expressing myself verbally, difficulty making decisions and even difficulty with motor skills (I stopped playing piano three years ago because it had become too frustrating as I was constantly struggling with fine motor skills and cognitive reasoning). Fortunately, as the period of poor health wanes, I become more myself and I can more easily and aptly attempt to be creative and productive in some way.
During the early stages of these periods when things are far worse, I'm either just hanging on to get through the next minute, or sick in the bathroom, or running through my illness' protocols for such episodes and sorting out emergency medications, or I can attempt to read, research or watch a movie if I am finally beyond the "brutal", acute stage.
This means that what I do at any given time is very dependent upon the state of my health. If I feel well mentally, physically and emotionally, I can try to accomplish something more physically demanding... ie, cutting the lawn or some small home improvement project or repair. If I am struggling with any part of these three states, then I need to find some compromise and an activity which fits my abilities at that moment in time. Needless to say, with abilities constantly changing, it is exceptionally difficult to get any projects accomplished fluidly or in a reasonable amount of time!
I've been working on this little lighthouse project for many months now. I add a little more to the piece, here and there from time to time, whenever I have some time and feel up to it. I just did a little bit more this morning... and it is coming along... very slowly.
The funny thing is I'm really not that interested in lighthouses but I think this is the third lighthouse I've drawn and painted. I guess I find them fairly easy comparatively speaking. Many drawings and paintings I create are much more complex with far more details, complex shadows, complex light, deep color transitions, etc. I guess that when I'm feeling like I can just barely be artistic in this way, I go to the lighthouse. It is sort of a 'back to basics' type of thing.
I'd like to add more detail in the foreground and perhaps a seagull or two in the sky... it just seems to be lacking a few things. The other options would be to draw and paint a scene that is very rough with less detail. Once you start adding detail, however, you need to continue with the detail until it is interesting or just scrap the project and start over.
I think I'm still going to attempt to add some additional details. If that doesn't work for my tastes, then I'll scrap it and start over...
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