What a Lousy Week of Health

This entire week has been one health problem after another. I honestly was fighting back tears as my health crashed into anaphylaxis last night. The tears weren't because of pain nor simply because I was feeling miserable. The tears were because I have been so unproductive this week and I now had to accept the fact that the next few days would be, at best, a recovery period of more nonproductivity. This weighs so heavily on me, I suppose, because I want to do so many things around the house but can't... because each day I lose due to this debilitating illness, is one less day I will have in my life. Now, once again, I didn't just lose another day, I just lost a full work-week and this downtime of nothingness promises to be longer.

We were doing some light shopping in Williston and South Burlington last night... the first store we visited was all it took. As we were walking into Bed, Bath & Beyond (we hadn't even entered the store yet), I was experiencing breathing problems and pulled out my epinephrine inhaler. I took two deep breaths of epinephrine... my breathing improved a bit so we went into the store.

They didn't have what we were searching for and my health continued to deteriorate while we were there... mild dizziness, mild weakness, cramps, gastro gurgling, some mild breathing problems again (but better than previously), a mild headache (otherwise known as a histamine headache)...  Relatively speaking, these symptoms were quite mild so I was just hoping that 'this, too, shall pass' after inhaling some epinephrine into my body...

We were walking out of the store and my body hit the warmer temperature and much higher humidity (geez... it is October and shouldn't be this warm and sticky outside!)... my vision narrowed VERY suddenly... I felt lightheaded, almost like an out-of-body experience... Okay, now that is two systems being affected (our guidelines... or, I suppose 'protocols', LOL... for when these 'episodes' become life-threatening and require aggressive treatment action) so, I grabbed my epi-pen, handed the car keys to Sheila, and weakly pulled my bag of medications out of the car...

I downed a bunch of extra medications and emergency medications... hydrated myself... ate a little bit... within a few long minutes, I felt more stable but my focus (cognitive abilities, concentration) was gone and my vision was still a bit narrowed. I knew I was still bordering on life-threatening anaphylaxis.  

When we arrived home, I was completely exhausted and wanted to just crawl into bed so I immediately took my huge dose of nighttime medications... more hydration... more emergency medications... but my gastro-intestinal tract was still gurgling away so I knew I would be spending some time in the bathroom before long. As exhausted as I was, I could not lie down in bed just yet...

Within an hour, I was sick as a dog in the bathroom... I spent about an hour, maybe more, in the bathroom quite sick... I took more medications in the bathroom... more water... I had to clean up the bathroom... more hydration... eventually, I made it to bed.  

So...  don't ask what I have accomplished on our half bathroom project in the past week... the answer is, "absolutely nothing", and that is bothering me, emotionally, more than my miserable, painful, debilitating health is physically bothering me...  and, believe me, this health has been brutal, physically speaking...

The emotional toll of being unproductive even in little things such as hobbies is a burden which is difficult to effectively describe. This emotional toll is heavy... heavy on my heart... heavy on my shoulders... heavy on my emotions...


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