Scattered Thoughts . . .

The surgery for Sheila's recurrence of breast cancer was yesterday so the day was spent at the hospital. For me, it was a day of just waiting and waiting... for Sheila, her day was a bit more hectic, invasive and painful. This time around, Sheila's opposite breast has a tumor shaped sort of like a bell or a Hershey's Kiss and measures 10mm x 15mm (approximately a little less than 1/2" x 5/8"). The imaging was showing no signs of the cancer being beyond the perimeter of the tumor so that was quite good news. Regardless, some lymph nodes needed to be removed and biopsied as well just to be sure the cancer has not spread into the lymphatic system. The team of doctors seems to be quite positive though.  So, before sunrise yesterday morning, we headed to the hospital to start the pre-op stuff for surgery. Here, Sheila is getting dressed (well...  undressed, really) for surgery... Discussing some of the proposed day's events with one of the nurses as she pr

Yesterday morning, we arose at o'dark thirty... unfortunately, not all that bright eyed and bushy tailed... so we could head north to check into the hospital for Sheila's third surgery related to recurring breast cancer.  I don't think either one of us slept all that well. I admit that I was a bit anxious and I know Sheila was a bit anxious too. Plus, I was concerned about oversleeping since we needed to get up so early. We arose on time, however, and were headed to the hospital within 45 minutes. We arrived at the hospital before sunrise and long before anyone else so we were treated to an empty parking garage and a front row parking spot... We headed directly to the Registration Desks to check in for today's surgery. While checking in, we had a nice conversation with the registration administrator about yoga, strength training, the kids, the grandkids, cruises and visiting Disney... After registration, we made the short walk to the end of the towering lo

Sheila was in need of a few laughs and a distraction... actually, so was I... so, yesterday, we invited Frank, Christine and Sheila's parents over for dinner, a few drinks and a few laughs in the comfort of our own home. (I had already moved all the building supplies for a new living room and kitchen to a different section of the house to make things a bit more comfortable for Sheila so we were ready for a few guests as well.) We had a great time and are very thankful that everyone could squeeze us in at the last moment. Sheila and I were definitely entertained and had a great time!  That was much appreciated. Today, Sheila is digging through her medical insurance handbooks and we are discussing each thing she comes across that may apply to us. So, I'd say a little bit of the anxiety and tension is back again today... a little bit of reality, I suppose. Liza and the grandchildren will be stopping by to see Gee sometime this afternoon so that will allow us to push aside the

The following morning after we sat down with the doctor to discuss the results of Sheila's mammogram and ultrasound imaging, we were headed back to the hospital for a biopsy. Sheila has been down this road before. Her first biopsy was 11 years ago, then surgery, radiation, chemo and the years of follow-up testing, imaging and exams. But, this morning, we were back at square one again. I have to say that it was not a pleasant feeling to be back at square one again. We both were so anxious that we thought we couldn't eat. We sat down to eat but we both commented that we had no desire for food whatsoever. The funny thing is... once we started eating, we pretty much finished our meals. I think the food absorbed some of the stomach acid being pumped into our empty stomachs due to our nerves. We felt a bit better after eating. On the drive to the hospital this morning our conversation changed from a pep talk type of thing giving positive reinforcement to someone who has already

I've said this countless times before, with my voice and on this blog, but I'll remind everyone anyway... Just because a cancer patient may appear to be cancer-free at any given moment, this in no way means the patient "beat cancer" or, an even sillier notion, "kicked cancer's ass".   The fact is... and, yes, this is a fact and not just my opinion... that cancer patients have a significantly higher incidence of a recurrence of cancer compared to the incidence of a person who has never had cancer getting cancer for the first time. Until there is a true cure for cancer, the statistics show that the cancer patient is only buying time in getting beyond the first occurrence of cancer.  Unfortunately, the time that Sheila bought (or perhaps "earned") by getting beyond her first occurrence of cancer is suddenly up.  This all started last week, Sheila and I traveled up to Burlington last week for a mammogram. This is a standard, typical, repet

As many readers already know, not only do I struggle with a debilitating and incurable illness but Sheila has had breast cancer and continues to deal with all sorts of things related to that. I don't often write about Sheila's journey through cancer on this blog but, today, it is worth mentioning here since she has (we have) had a rough couple of months.  Sheila has been what is referred to as "cancer free" for almost a decade but the lingering symptoms, constant appointments, tests, exams, and anxiously awaiting lab results... on pins and needles... never ends. Our past two months have been like this... yet again. As I've mentioned in previous blog entries, Sheila has lingering problems related to her cancer and cancer treatment as do virtually all cancer patients but some patients have it worse than others. Since a cancer patient will always be a high risk cancer patient because history has proven that those with cancer once are far more likely to develop new

I had an appointment with my doctor again this morning. I had planned to go to this appointment alone (Sheila and I usually attend appointments together but this appointment seemed like it would be uneventful... ie, no life threatening decisions to be made or discussed... so I was going it alone today) but my car is frozen in the mud so Sheila had to leave work to drive me there. Other than giving up some blood, the appointment was rather painless. Sheila and I saw the same doctor last week for Sheila's lingering cold. While we were there for Sheila, my doctor said she wanted to see me for a full exam and to adjust my medications. That appointment was this morning. This appointment was not a moment too soon since my health has been rather miserable lately. I've been having significantly worsened breathing issues since June of 2015... which is a long time and something which should have sent me to the doctor long ago. That was a priority today because it seems to be worseni

This morning was another morning darkened by a medical appointment for ongoing cancer. Sheila and I seem to share everything and, unfortunately, this is one of those things we have in common. Today was my turn.  To be honest, even after all these years of never-ending medical appointments, I still have difficulty seeing anything on my calendar beyond these important medical appointments... I just see darkness. When I pictured my calendar in my head, the months and days only went to January 11th... Monday... 2016... then complete darkness.  No matter how hard I try, I just cannot shed any light on this calendar in my head until I get beyond these dark appointments.  On the positive side, these appointments allow us to spend more time together rather than apart while Sheila is at work. We always eat out on these days as well. And, that is always nice.  Before Sheila was in my life, I seemed to know more medical professionals than others. I would walk into a hospital and the peopl

I often write about and harp upon the need for understanding when it comes to people struggling with chronic illness and/or life threatening illnesses. Tonight it is time for me to harp on this yet again because Sheila is hurt and I am subsequently angry and rapidly losing my patience with far too many people who don't seem to "understand". As a result of this lack of understanding, I am truly at my wits' end and we are exceptionally close to again shrinking our circle of family and friends if this very tiring behavior does not change. I, myself, have a long list of health issues and struggle with significant disabilities every day. The major difference today, however, is that I am referring to and coming to the defense of Sheila since she is very upset right now and has been very upset at the last two family events because of this rather callous behavior. It has gotten to the point where Sheila actually dreads attending any family events because so many people na