Scattered Thoughts . . .

I am still in significant pain but I'm now managing to accomplish a few small things for very short durations each day.  It hurts to do anything but I'm getting up off the couch a few times each day.  Although the pain is still rather brutal, I have started on some very light physical therapy which should help in my recovery. My spinal injuries are another one of those things where I get knocked down and sent back to square one far too often.  This is definitely one of those times.  Actually, this time around, the pain is so bad and so consistent that it is reminding me of my original line-of-duty injury.  Things were bad after both my first and second line-of-duty spinal injuries so it is a bit frustrating to be back at this point 25 years ago once again.   25 years ago, the physical therapy required to walk fairly normally again was intense...  eight hours a day, five days a week, for six weeks.  After the six weeks, the amount of time in physical therapy each day tapered of

W e're getting some snow today...  and some rain...  and some ice...  and a lot of slush.  The temperatures are hovering in the 32-34° range and have been like this since yesterday.  This is a terrible temperature range in the winter because it makes for terrible driving conditions.  Sometimes the roads are wet, sometimes the roads are icy, sometimes the roads are clear but any of these conditions can change in a matter of seconds.   Naturally this would be a day to stay home like almost all of the school districts have already decided.   Most of the schools are closed but, ironically (or perhaps moronically) although Sheila has been working from home consistently everyday since Montpelier was flooded about five months ago, she was told that she must go to Montpelier today of all days.   Why must she dig out the car?  Why must we rush to clear the driveway and the end of the driveway of heavy, wet snow?  Why must she risk driving on roads that could be dangerous and which promise t

I've really been neglecting this blog in recent months.  Between lousy health for the past year and us staying inside our home every day for the past year, there really hasn't been much to write about during this period.   I last wrote about inflammation of my spine due to having to stop my anti-inflammatory medication.  (I was having some internal bleeding.)  The resulting inflammation in my spine and joints is now about as bad as it can get.  It is interrupting my sleep and making it difficult to just get around the house.   The other night, I sort of turned my left ankle.  I say 'sort of' because, as I was sitting at my desk, I was resting my right foot on top of my left foot while the top of my left foot was positioned so it can rest on the floor under the weight of my right foot.  About an hour into sitting this way, I realized that my left ankle would probably get inflamed so I stopped sitting that way.  In case you were wondering why someone would sit this way at

I've often mentioned in this blog about struggling with spinal pain every day.  I mention it often because it is a significant daily pain.  Some days are better than others, however, some days I use a cane.  Some days I can't stand any longer than necessary to move from one spot to another.  Even though the pain stops me in my tracks often or even drops me to my knees, the pain has become a 'normal' every day thing so I actually do think of it as 'normal'.  I understand that and I accept that.  It isn't until I actually see some imaging of my spine that I am reminded of the severity of these injuries and these occasional reminders bring anger to the forefront. Why anger?  I get angry because the Air Force dragged their feet while I was in such intense pain that I could not sleep or think clearly.  Worse yet, they were actually a bit obstinate in acknowledging even my first line-of-duty injury nevermind acknowledging my extensive injuries flaring up in a subs

Not a day goes by when I don't turn a certain way or lift something incorrectly or simply breath incorrectly that I am instantly slammed with spinal pain that is enough to trigger my body to involuntarily buckle at the knees.  In those daily instances, I manage to catch myself before hitting the floor.  This morning, I awoke with spinal pain in my lumbar spine.  I got up out of bed and instantly fell to the floor, a heap of red-hot nerves in excruciating pain... wedged between the wall, the nightstand and the little step-stool to help get in and out of our rather tall bed.   I've had a nasty cold...  perhaps the flu, I don't know which nor do I care...  for the past three weeks.  I still have nasty, thick phlegm running down my throat at night so I try to sleep propped up on three pillows to keep me from choking.  This helps me breath, typically, but it is terrible for my spinal injuries.  Anyway, the cold is still lingering, causing problems, and getting my abnormally ex

I had another medical appointment yesterday for my own health issues... some bloodwork... some shots... some discussions and advice... and now being referred to some of my usual specialists and one new specialist. When I got back home from my appointment, I was looking over my notes and a little bit of paperwork they sent home with me... I have to say that it is a bit disconcerting to come home from a medical appointment with paperwork spread across your coffee table and one of the documents is for an "Advanced Directive for Health Care". That being said, I have a feeling that quite a few patients are being sent home with this paperwork today. I hope so, anyway. Then again, my health is rather poor and it is in appointments such as this when just how poor my health truly is becomes a bit more obvious.  I left this long appointment with three more appointments. My experience with scheduling specialist appointments is that these appointments won't be behind me until we

I'm taking a break for a few days while some significant spinal pain subsides. My extensive spinal injuries (two herniated disks, four bulging disks, six compressed disks, a broken up vertebra and disk in my neck, osteophytosis, and two areas of stenosis) are inflamed and screaming. The little bit of work on the house may have caused this inflammation or it is due to some other reason.  My primary illness, Systemic Mastocytosis, is known to cause inflammation throughout my body, one area at a time, so that could cause this spinal inflammation too but I'm thinking it makes more sense that perhaps I overdid it working on the house. It has been a long time, however, since having such intense spinal pain.  I still have a little bit to write about pertaining to Sheila's new cancer finding. I have a little bit to write about pertaining to our fun cruise with the grandkids and Sheila's parents. I have a little bit to write about pertaining to the home renovations. You

I started a rather small repair/renovation in our master bathroom about two weeks ago and my health is interfering enough to continue to put this small project on hold. As of today, this bathroom is still only partially usable... it sits in a vulnerable, unfinished state with bare wood exposed to a humid room (we are still using the shower daily) as I wait for my health to recover.  This time, the primary issue keeping me from this project is related to my extensive spinal injuries rather than my Systemic Mastocytosis. Although the past few days have been more about recovering from Systemic Mastocytosis problems, overall, my extensive spinal injuries have interfered with this project more than anything else. We've had to cancel a few other plans recently because of these issues as well. That is never fun. Everytime I need to cancel social plans because of my health, I worry that people will just stop inviting us to social events because we cancel our plans so often. This just a

The pain from my spinal injuries is pretty damn close to the worst it has ever been in the past 20 years.  Back a few months ago, I was shopping around for wheelchairs because I had a feeling I'd need one for our upcoming extended weekend in Springfield as well as any other event that requires a lot of standing and walking. I quickly came to the conclusion that I might be jumping the gun on this purchase. After all, at this point, the train show was months away and I've always managed until now by taking a lot of breaks... why would I think I would be having more or worsening spinal problems in the coming months?  I was wrong... Getting around is difficult, slow and extremely painful..  sleeping is damn near impossible... my hips feel as though I have a nail driven into each hip... my torso, front and back, feels like it is on fire, inside and out... my spine is red hot inflamed... and the nerves throughout my entire back are tingling... I also get shooting pains down thr

My spine was feeling "fair" this morning... which, honestly, is about as good as it gets... so I decided I should attempt to finish up this bathroom toilet project.   I took a day or two off from this project because I needed some galvanized deck screws for me to screw down the subflooring as well as for screwing down the flange. Unfortunately, I couldn't find any among all my tools. Also, my spinal injuries were screaming at me for a break. When I placed the new toilet over the flange to see how it fits (between the wall and the flange) I realized that I forgot to pick up a new longer braided stainless steel supply hose. This new toilet is an ADA toilet so it sits a bit higher than the old toilet...  that means a slightly longer run to the tank from our toilet supply shutoff... so I needed to purchase a 16" or 20" supply hose. On Monday night, we first went to a local hardware store to pick up these rather standard building materials... that was a complete

I awoke feeling much less energetic than on an average day. Shortly after getting out of bed I realized that I probably would not get much done on the toilet project today since I was already feeling rather lousy and I wasn't thinking clearly. My spine was still hurting enough to make sleeping difficult which also made it difficult getting up out of bed. These weren't good signs for having a productive day with a home repair project. When I made my way out of the bedroom, I had looked out the window to see how this forecasted "storm" is progressing because I knew that if it was as bad as the forecast insisted, then I would need to spend my time and energy outside clearing off the roof of heavy snow. When I looked out the window I saw only two or three inches... for us, this is pretty much an every-morning dusting. I shook my head at this lame "storm" and continued on my way.  While I was taking my morning slew of medications, I decided it would be wiser

Late last night, my spine suddenly was on fire... I had difficulty getting up out of my chair... I had difficulty sleeping... rolling over was excruciating. Today is even worse. The pain has been absolutely brutal.  The pain is a searing, burning pain in the lower half of my spine... radiating to my hips, around my kidneys and through my groin... whenever I try to put any weight on my legs, my legs experience tremors and the pain instantly jumps to a big fat 10 on the 10 point pain scale.  There are times when I almost ended up on the floor because I could not stand on my feet without actually seeing stars due to the intense pain. Reaching out for the couch, the bed, a chair and the kitchen table helped me keep from being a heap on the floor. This has been an exceptionally bad day. Most times, despite my extensive spinal injuries, I get around just fine (with pain, but I get around just fine) but there are times when my spinal injuries are excruciatingly painful. During these pai

I've been in significant pain since Saturday. I can't seem to find any position for relief either. Sitting hurts, standing hurts, laying down hurts... anti-inflammatory medications don't seem to do anything... icing it seems to be more of a bother than a benefit. I can't sleep. At rest, the pain is in the 7-8 range on the 10 point pain scale... which is quite brutal and relentless. This latest problem is with my lumbar spine... it feels as though someone pounded a railroad spike into my spine. The pain radiates through my pelvis on the left side... into my left hip... down through my groin and down my thigh to my knee. I get occasional twinges of intense pain in my left foot too whenever I move or turn the wrong way. This pain has been recurring since my first line-of-duty spinal injury almost 20 years ago.  Whenever my spinal pain gets bad, it brings back a lot of bad memories related to the time period of when I first injured my spine. These events replay in my

My health is on a roll again... absolutely miserable, poor, lousy, and exceptionally painful health which has been far too consistent lately. I couldn't sleep again last night... I have a million things I must get done and I can't do any of them right now.  Funny...  I had thought I was already in a lousy mood yesterday... compared to my mood today, my mood yesterday was quite pleasant.  It will be another long, brutal day today.  Maybe I'll look for some other photos from that 2013 trip to Manhattan...

My spinal injuries have been screaming for the past month but that is nothing new. My breathing has been rather lousy for the past eight months so that isn't all that new either at this point. This morning, however, I am feeling both problems and both are rather significant. My lumbar spine is hurting all through my lower back to my hips and buttocks... with pain all through my groin and lower abdomen... and even up toward my kidneys. The pain is bad enough to keep me from sleeping. Needless to say, I'm exhausted even though it is still only mid-morning. I'm going to attempt to get back to some light physical therapy today. I attempted this a few days ago when my lingering cold was feeling like it was almost gone but that didn't go over too well... my cold got worse and that made all sorts of symptoms worsen. I'll attempt to get back into my daily physical therapy today if even a very light therapy involving only stretching. That should help my back at least a l

Sometimes, those who knew me when I was healthy still see me as the healthy person I once was in better times. That is great... we all would like to be remembered in good light but it is not “me” as I am today. What I feel is worse, however, is that I see myself vastly differently today than when I was healthy... I feel I am a very different person today... and, in many ways, I am a different person today... but I am sometimes reminded that, in some ways, I am indeed the same person I have always been... That gets me wondering if those who see me the same as I was when I was healthy fully understand my limitations and how these limitations have caused me to change... to evolve... simply in order to survive. If they don't understand these limitations, there is no way they can see the person I am today. Every now and then, this uncertainty inevitably gets us talking about who I was then compared to who I am today. I've been meaning to write about this topic for qu